National Bullying Prevention Month is a nationwide campaign founded in 2006 by PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center. The campaign is held during the month of October and unites communities around the world to educate and raise awareness of bullying prevention. According to statistics, one in five children admit to being bullied. Bullying is not only isolated as a childhood problem but also affects adolescents and adults as well. Much of the awareness around bullying is centered on the victims, prevention and the consequences however in order to understand how to prevent bullying from a victim’s standpoint it is important to understand what drives individuals to become bullies. Bullies are often portrayed as villains or the “bad guys” in the media. However what the media fails to show is the making of a bully. Studies have shows that bullies are much more likely than average to experience a traumatic or a stressful situation in the past five years. This could include abuse in the home, a divorce, a mental illness, or insecure relationships. Studies have also shown that most bullies have actually been bullied in the past.
The relationship between shame and bullying
Emotions like anger, fear and sadness trigger a cascade of physiological responses that affect almost every organ in the body preparing it for survival actions, like fleeing, fighting or freezing. When a child, in the midst of experiencing powerful and painful emotions like anger and fear, is left to cope alone, the child’s brain uses another class of emotions called inhibitory emotions to prevent themselves from being psychologically overwhelmed. Shame is one kind of inhibitory emotion that very efficiently blocks anger and fear by causing a protective visceral withdrawal inward like a turtle fleeing into its shell. While protective in the moment, toxic shame leaves a child feeling broken, unlovable and alone until it is healed. A child develops defenses, like aggression, which turns into bullying behavior. Conversely, a child may cope with shame by disconnecting from their mind and body, which renders a person vulnerable to bullies for they have lost their sense of self. Aggression and disassociation are fail-safe ways to block the intense emotional and physical pain of emotions when healthier ways of soothing are unavailable.
